I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
