Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
