update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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