he puts the penis in happiness.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
