I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
