I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
