Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
