Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize