On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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