Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
