Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
