Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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