Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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