So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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