Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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