Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
