just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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