I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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