If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize