Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
