put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I died a long time ago.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
