I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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