He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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