Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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