We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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