oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
