Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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