Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
