I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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