Just cropdusted the office
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
