New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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