Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Barsexuality is the new black.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
