Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
