..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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