I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
wow bdsm is so cute
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
