i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
