Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
