Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
