Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My dick has a subreddit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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