People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
