you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
