Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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