I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
