Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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