I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
