I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
