Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
