I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
