You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Someone signed my nipple.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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