direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
