right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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