I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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