mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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