the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
operation harelip BJ is a go
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
