So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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