Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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