I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
