its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
