i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
