Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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