brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
