I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Randomize
