I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
