Plan B is the new Plan A
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
