I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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