You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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