remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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