I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
