i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize