I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
