ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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