Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
