Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
