And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
