Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
