working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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